How to Manage Different Personality Types in Small Groups

Discussion groups can serve as a tool for education and theological reflection, but managing different personality types in small groups can be difficult.  There are a variety of personalities which play out in different ways as you seek to facilitate healthy discussions. Let’s look at several common personalities and how to help them participate in a small group discussion.

The Talker

Leaders often have a love-hate relationship with this type of student. They love the fact that this student is quick to answer questions and participate. They also hate the fact that the student typically wants to speak first, dominates the conversation, and doesn’t seem to notice that they’re hindering others’ opportunity to participate.

Learning to help “The Talker” participate well is key. Here are some ideas for how to manage talkers:

• Sit next to this student, which will limit the opportunity for direct eye contact with you as the leader. For a talker, eye contact is a direct invitation to speak. Sitting next to this student will also make it possible for you to give a gentle reminder if the student begins to dominate the conversation.
• If you are blessed with a group with multiple talkers, you might introduce an object that is held by the person whose turn it is to speak. The object will help talkers wait their turn.
• You may need to speak with the talker individually to explain how it’s impacting the group.
• Talkers often have leadership skills that need development, so inviting them to help lead the discussion (and explaining that a good discussion gets everyone involved) may help them be better participants.

The Quiet Kid

These students are much quieter than the other youth and usually more shy. They are often introverts and internal processors. Although they do not say as much, they are often thinking a great deal about what is being said. They need time to process before speaking.

Some ways you can help “The Quiet Kid” participate are:

• Sit across from this student in the group. Regular eye contact from you can encourage the student to share.
• After letting the quiet student mentally settle into the discussion, direct a specific question toward him or her. You shouldn’t single the student out, but to engage the entire group, direct questions to all students and allow them to play off of their reflections.
• Get to know your quiet kids. If you know their interests and gifts, you can direct questions to them that are easy for them to engage with.
• Don’t worry about them. Although they are quiet, they can be the most engaged person in the group. They enjoy listening and observing.

The Wiggler

They fidget. They wiggle. They have trouble focusing. In the process, they distract you and everyone else. Your goal is to engage this student in the group discussion and by doing so, allow others to engage as well. Here’s how:

• Many wigglers are kinetic learners, so give them something to do with their hands. Let them mess with Play-Doh, color, or doodle.
• Invite them to help pass out things, set up things, etc.
• Do active learning activities or make something during the discussion time.

The Derailer

These students do not want to talk about the topic at hand. They not only want to distract others, but to take the conversation in a different direction. They ask questions that do not seem to have anything to do with the lesson.

Here are some ways to engage derailers and stay on-topic:

• Be prepared to come back to their topic (if it’s a healthy one) later in the discussion.
• Invite them to be involved in choosing topics they are interested in.
• You may have to talk to him or her outside of the group. Derailers often have something going on in their personal lives.

The Know-It-All

This student has likely attended church for a while, possibly also a Christian school, and gives off an air of having already learned everything you have to offer. These students can be the most difficult, because they don’t engage if they feel they already know the answers.

Here are some strategies that can help:

• Ask “why” questions. If the student already knows the story you’re discussing, ask him or her to share why the story is important with the group.
• Play “Devil’s Advocate” and present views that are contrary to the student’s.
• Give these students a chance to practice leading the group discussion.
• Use open-ended questions. This type of student shuts down when there are too many “right” answer questions.

The Challenger

This student challenges every point you and others try to make. Challenging can be helpful when it pushes the group to examine its answers, but challengers can also threaten others’ willingness to share.

Here are some tips for how to manage these students:

• Establish a rule about not putting down or attacking others’ opinions.
• Have a rule about only one person talking at a time. This will inhibit the student’s desire to interrupt others.
• The object that was helpful with “The Talker” can also be a helpful tool with challengers as they must wait their turn to share.

Managing the various personalities that emerge in small group discussions is a challenge, but it’s also an opportunity to foster a more engaging environment. By understanding the unique traits of your students, you can tailor your approach to ensure everyone has a chance to contribute meaningfully.

About the Author: Rev. Dietrich “Deech” Kirk has been in youth ministry for 25+ years. He served as the youth minister of Brentwood United Methodist Church for six years before becoming the Executive Director of the CYMT in 2006. He has a Master of Art in Religion from Memphis Theological Seminary.